I have been rather strict with her since she as a little tiny thing, probably too strict to some extent, because I did not want to have one of those horrible kids that was disrespectful and defiant and the family never gets invited anywhere because you can't stand their kids. Come on, you all know what I'm talking about. Gracie has a very independent little spirit, and I just know if I don't follow through one time or let her get away with even the little things, we could have a little diva on our hands.
So, to get to the point, I have found myself getting after Gracie, and then I think--"she really didn't deserve that" or something like that, and it seems to always be with other kids involved. For example:
For Christmas Gracie got a Jesse doll (from Toy Story) that she absolutely loves. It is her favorite toy by far right now. It is a rare occasion when she doesn't have Jesse with her. I had to talk her out of having Jesse take a bath with her a few times! Jesse also seems to be every other kids favorite toy too when they come over. We've had a few play-dates with friends or kids from the ward, etc and for some reason Jesse is the hit of the toy box. So, I tell Gracie that she gets Jesse all the time and she has to let the other kids play with her. Which is true, she can let other kids play with her--but after an hour or an hour an a half or two hours, SHE would like to play with Jesse too. I have been very insistent that basically when other kids are here and want to play with her, she's kind of off limits to Gracie. And kudos to my Gracie Girl because for the most part, she has been very good about it.
But then I got to thinking...is that really fair? Shouldn't she also get to play with her favorite toy when other kids are around? I mean, she's asked to give her up for hours like 2-5 hours at a time. That's ALONG time for a little 2 year old. I wouldn't expect other kids to give up their favorite toy to Gracie for that long, so why am I expecting it of her? And where do I draw the line?
(There's more examples I could give of this kind of thing, but this gives you kind of an idea.)
Gracie is really good at sharing, but lately she's become a little more possessive AND aggressive with some things, and though it might have a lot to do with her age, I wonder if I have something to do with it. I might become a little possessive too if I knew I had to share something that I didn't really want to share.
Often I will find some of her toys (including Jesse) in Kate's crib. If Kate starts crying, Gracie sometimes gets to her before I do with handfuls of toys that she lovingly throws in the crib in hopes of making Kate happy. It's really so very sweet!
So, basically I have concluded that I have a great kid. Of course as her Mom I have a responsibility to her to teach her how to share and be a good friend, but where is the balance between teaching her that and still being fair TO HER.
If any of you other Mom's out there have any suggestions, I'd sure appreciate some help!
4 comments:
I'm the same way with Calan...:) And, while overall, I think it's a good thing, you're right - she should have rights too. When there is a favorite toy that both want, we'll set the timer for 3-4 minutes, and the kids have to take turns. They know that when the timer goes off, the other kid gets a turn. But, they also know they'll have another turn soon... Calan also has the option of putting a toy away before a friend comes if he doesn't want to share it. Then, he can either share it, or he can leave it put away while the friend is there... Good luck! Next time you're here ( or we're there) we should have a play date!
It seems to me that you have been given some revelation about this situation. My advice: remember that at age two, children are still playing parallel - they don't play with each other, they play side-by-side each other. They are developing a sense of self and of ownership. Until they learn what it means to own something they cannot share without it being very painful and perplexing. Two is a curious age and we would all benefit from re-reading our child development books on the subject. Gracie is a sweetheart!! I can hardly wait to play side-by-side with her in the week to come!!
Have Gracie put Jesse to "sleep" and give her a good night hug and kiss before other kids come over!
It's a hard balance to know what you should expect of your kids for their age. We found that "taking turns" seems to have a better response than "sharing". But I agree with you. When the kids are playing it's important that everyone takes turns and that the host kid doesn't get totally shafted. Also if it's a super special toy you could always just put it away until after the playdate. Sometimes it just helps to avoid the conflict all together. Good luck.
Post a Comment