Teaching a 3 year old about Christmas

This year, Gracie has been really excited about Christmas. It's the first year she really understands what's going on. She loved putting up the Christmas tree, buying new ornaments for it, opening the new ornaments she got from My Mom and Dad (a tradition we have in my family. Every year everyone gets a new ornament.) She has loved to help make treats, see Santa (from afar only--once we got close to him she freaked out--silly girl!), singing Christmas songs, etc.

This is the time of year to think of others more than ourselves. Bryant and I have really talked about how we can help Gracie understand the true meaning of Christmas. We want her to experience the joy of giving to someone less fortunate, sharing what we have with others and understanding that we can love someone we don't really even know simply because they are children of God. We chose a card off the "giving tree" this year. We specifically chose a little 3 year old girl so Gracie could help pick out a gift for her. We explained that Santa needed a little help so this "friend" could have a nice Christmas like she is going to have this year. We talked about how happy this would make Jesus on his birthday, and we talked about all the toys and fun things Gracie has and gets to do all the time, and that this friend probably doesn't have what she has, so that it's so important to share what we have. Gracie seems to understand really well. We were out somewhere last week, and she found something that SHE really wanted. So, I told Gracie that we can't always get what we want, but maybe we should buy that for her "friend" so she would have a Christmas present this year. Thankfully, she was all for that. We brought it home, and she helped my Mom wrap it up. It's been sitting under our Christmas tree and she tells everyone that comes over that this present is for her friend.
I'm really proud of her. My brother and (mostly) my sister in law sent Gracie a little mini-pillow pet a few weeks back. And let me tell you, Gracie LOVES it. I had no idea she would love a pillow pet so much or I would have gotten one for her months ago for her birthday or something. She takes the thing everywhere, she sleeps on it (as a pillow) every night, she shows everyone how it works, it is quite possibly one of her favorite things ever!
Since this little gift that Gracie chose wasn't anything spectacular, nor was it very much money, Gracie also decided her friend needed a pillow pet. I thought it was a fabulous idea!
Well, Bryant and I went out last night. We went to a few random stores, and I found a pillow pet. Exactly the same one Gracie has, but the bigger version of it. So, I bought it thinking, "okay...this is going to be hard for Gracie because she will want the bigger one, but she is going to have to be okay giving the bigger one to her friend that doesn't have all the nice things she does."
Well, this morning I showed her the pillow pet for her friend. And I have to say, I have a GREAT LITTLE GIRL. She was so excited that her friend would have a pillow pet that matched her own. She wasn't upset that it was bigger than hers. She's excited to help me wrap it up for her this afternoon.
I think what this has proved to me more than anything else, is that no matter how little, our kids are not young to be taught and to understand. I feel so blessed to have such an example of Christlike love in our home.
I love you Gracie Girl!

Offer Number 2

Just an update for anyone interested--we have an offer in on another house right now. We really like this house...A LOT. Possibly more than the first house. It's an estate sale so the property is vacant right now. The inside has been updated, and we would be so so happy if we got this house.
The "executor" of the house is being completely unreasonable however. We have offered asking price for the house as well as agreed to pay for the survey. This surveys the land area to determine property lines I guess. That's an extra $800 out of our pocket. In return we've asked that he pay closing costs. This is a totally reasonable offer, very fair considering the market here, and considering that we are willing to pay asking price for the home. He has played hardball and doesn't want to cover all of the closing costs, PLUS he has now said this is basically an "as-is" property. So if the inspector gets in there (something else we will pay for) and finds a major problem, we would 1)be 100% responsible for fixing the problem OR 2)if there is a problem that is so major we don't feel we can take the house--we loose all the money we paid for the inspection PLUS our earnest money. Um--anybody in our position (just out of grad school with student loans to pay, first time home buyers with 2 kids etc) should know we don't have $1500-$2000 to just throw around willy nilly. This is a 50 year old home. Who knows if there is an underlying problem.
The house has been on the market for over 6 months now, and we are the FIRST offer this house has had. So, either this guy gets with the program and starts being fair (since we have been more than fair on our end) or he's going to be stuck paying taxes and insurance on a vacant house for quite a while longer.
We're so frustrated. Our realtor is so frustrated. Not with us, but the listing agent for this house is the same as the first house we were suppose to be buying up until last week. As far as Dixie (our realtor) is concerned, this agent has been dishonest and completely violated her oath of ethics. She's going to have words with her once this is all said and done.
So anyone wanting to buy a house in Beaumont--BEWARE OF HESTER BELL!
In all of this I can say, I am so so grateful our agent is such an honest, caring, fair person. She has been wonderful. I trust her completely and I know eventually she will find us a great house and she'll make sure we get a great deal! So, if you're interested in buying a house in Beaumont--let me know I'll hook you up with Dixie Brown, possibly the best realtor in SE Texas.

Allergic...

We now live in South East Texas--home of everything that causes people allergies. Bryant and I have never had to deal with allergies before to anything. However, we are discovering that our girls are having a hard time dealing with some of the lovely things that grow down here. Gracie's isn't too bad. She had quite the runny nose and cough for a while, but that was easily controlled with Benadryl. It's my poor Kate that has really suffered. She had such a horrible runny nose for so long. Then a horrible nasty cough was added onto that. I finally took her to the Dr when we were in Idaho for Celeste's wedding the beginning of October. The Dr. thought she may have had a sinus infection, plus all the drainage down her throat and her cough from it was causing her tonsils to be irritated.
We came home, and her nose was still running like a faucet. And it did look like she had a horrible sinus infections--just from being so plugged up for so long in her sinuses. So, back to the Dr. we went. We got more antibiotics, which did clear up the infections, and we also left with a prescription for singular. The Dr. was hoping clearing up the infection would clear up her other symptoms as well, but gave us the singular just in case.
Well, after 2 weeks of being done with antibiotics, it is evident that this little baby just has horrible allergies down here. So, I filled the singular (which cost me $145 out of pocket. So much for having awesome insurance that was so highly talked about when we took this job down here! I told Bryant to complain about the crappy prescription coverage. And NO there is no generic for singular and no other alternative for such young babies--I checked!) The medicine does seem to be helping. So, I'll suck up paying for it unless I want to deal with a never ending runny nose, constant sinus infections, and a miserable baby!

I went back to the Dr. today as well. I've been put on some new meds as well, including thyroid medication which was the purpose of my visit today. However, I have been having a horrible reaction to refined sugar. I don't eat it a lot, and after our sugar fast I really started to notice how horrible I reacted to sugar. Cold sweats, feeling of nausea and passing out, all the color draining from my face, my heart pounding 100 miles an hour. And all this within 5-10 minutes of eating refined sugar.
It's gotten to the point that I will be offered something or see something, and I know I won't be able to handle it so I just watch other people enjoy it.
Well, I talked to the Dr about this today. Honestly I was afraid I needed to be tested for full on diabetes. However, I am happy to report, I do not have diabetes. I have plenty of insulin--too much in fact, and my body doesn't know what to do with it. Basically, I am for all intent and purposes ALLERGIC TO SUGAR. Yep, that's right folks. This girl has to pretty much go on a sugar fast for the rest of my life. There is no medication for me to take. I mean, I can handle a little bit of sugar every now and then if I eat protein with it. But like a bite or two here and there is all. And you know, I'm okay with that. I mean, who doesn't like sugar? I know I do, but I HATE HATE HATE the way it makes me feel when I eat it. It's kind of like those people who are allergic to peanuts. They might like peanuts, but they'll never eat them because they swell up and have to run to the ER. It's just not worth it.
And let's be honest, this might well be the best allergy that has ever happened to me:)

House Buying Woe's

I'm finally feeling up to blogging about this for those who are interested. After looking at LOTS of houses, falling in love with one, not being able to get that one (it went into a major bidding war with 4 buyers and went up about $50,000 from the listed price), to looking again, checking into how much it would cost to do some thing to some houses, etc....we finally found one we really liked. It was in our price rage, it had almost everything we wanted in a house--it did have everything that was really important to us. Everything else that we didn't love about the house was just cosmetic--like paint, and easily remedied. We thought about the house, we drove by it several times, we looked at pictures over and over, and finally we decided that was the house for us. So, we made an offer. A really good offer as well. This house has been on the market almost a year. The offer was accepted, and the earnest money was paid. We were scheduled to close on the house January 2nd. The owners (who are an older couple who just went through a divorce apparently) signed the papers......and then they started talking to each other.....and after accepting the offer, and signing the papers they decided they didn't want to take the offer afterall. So, just like that we are back to square one. These owners, are now in big big trouble however. They are in breach of contract with us, but more than that--we found out that we are the FOURTH people they've done this to. So, their listing agent has her license on the line right now as well.
It's been disappointing for sure. Here we've made plans for this house. Figured out how we're going to decorate, what color paint we're going to use, etc. etc. and just like that, we're on the house hunt again.
Right now our big issue is that our lease is up here at our apartment Feb. 5. If we go month to month they are going to charge us over $1300 a month to live here in this tiny little 3rd floor apartment. Plus this complex expects a 60 day notice. So, we're full of mixed emotions. Do we try to find a house? Do we move into a cheaper apartment for 6 months and take our time? We don't want to stay in these apartments, but we don't want to move just to move again. It's really put us in a bad spot.
I'm sure something will work out, but what a pain in the butt!

So, there's the story!

A Special Thanksgiving

It's no secret to most of you who have kept up on my blog, that from about February 2010 to oh about August 2011--it felt like I was in crisis mode constantly. From a VERY difficult pregnancy, to packing up our apartment(packing pregnant and with a toddler, by myself as Bryant was so busy with school still), to my parents leaving on a mission to Mongolia, to moving from Washington to Oregon 35 weeks pregnant and just PRAYING I could get insurance in Oregon, to my parents leaving Mongolia because my Dad was critically ill, to having my second child, to moving from Oregon to Idaho, to potty training Gracie, to getting through one rather difficult internship, to job searching, to moving yet again from Idaho to Texas, to having some anxiety/depression issues (which I've never had to deal with before), the list just goes on and on and on. As I look back now, I don't know that I realized what a trial that year and a half was for me until it was all over. I see the incredible growth that has come from everything.

I can also see that I could not have made it through that time without the love, help and support of some very special people.
When we got to Oregon, we "house sat" for a wonderful couple who were taking a trip back to England (where he was from) for a month. Once they got home, they allowed us to stay in one of their apartments free of charge for the next 6 weeks. I can't tell you how much that helped both financially, and not having to worry about an apartment contract for the short 12 weeks we were there.
I made some amazing friends there. I practically lived at my friend Danae's house. She let me give Kate and Gracie baths at her house since it didn't really work at the apartment we were staying. She had us for dinner A LOT. She came to the hospital when I had Kate. She watched Gracie for me. My sister Kristin came a few days before I had Kate, but it was so comforting to know I had someone that would help with my 2 year old if the baby decided to come early.
The beginning of November (Kate was 2 weeks old) a group of ladies invited me to go to Time Out for Women in Portland with them. They all treated me like an old friend. It was a nice weekend. One I will never forget.

When my Dad was so so sick, I KNOW there were people literally all over the world fasting and praying for him. November 17, a code blue was called on him. The pain patch that he had dumped too much medication into his system. I am absolutely convinced the only reason he survived that is because that particular day, the Elders Quorum in our ward in Yucca Valley were fasting for him that day.

My sister spent 2 weeks with me after I had Kate. She kept Gracie for me, she changed A LOT of diapers, she cleaned up, she let me sleep, she helped me adjust to being a mom of 2 children.

My Mom---oh what can I say about my Mom---she is wonderful. I can ALWAYS count on her. In April, the company Bryant works for flew both Bryant and I down to check things out. My Mom, bless her heart, dropped everything, bought a very expensive plane ticket and came to Idaho to watch my girls so we could come alone. She has been so generous with my girls. She is the greatest grandma any kid could ever ask for. I just love and admire and respect what an amazing person my mother is, and how much she helped during my time of need.

When we got to Texas, a bunch of guys from the ELder's Quorum were here to help unload the truck--and they brought everything up 4 flights of stairs for us. I had a playdate the first week I was here. The ladies in this ward took me under their wing, and I can truly say, after just 5 short months in Texas I have some of my best friends here in Texas.
We've been invited for dinner several times. I've always had someone willing to watch my kids while I go to my Dr appointments. In fact a few weeks ago, I had to drop my kids off at 6am and I was gone ALL DAY at a specialist in Houston. I didn't get home until about 7:30 that night. I had two great friends watch my kids all day for me.

"The Lord does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other...So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds!" Spencer W. Kimball


I'm feeling especially full of gratitude this Thanksgiving season.

It Feels Good

Wow, it's Thanksgiving this week! WOW! This year has come and gone so fast in so many ways. I am so excited for Thursday because that means that Bryant will finally be okay with watching Christmas movies, decorating, listening to Christmas music--and the holidays can FINALLY begin!

Since we got here in July, Bry and I have driven around, looked through windows of houses that are for sale and trying to figure out what was really important in our first home. For the past 6 weeks or so, we have been working with a fantastic realtor. She is actually in our ward, and has really helped us figure out what we can live with out, and what we absolutely must have. And she has found some great properties for us to look at. A few weeks ago, we found a house we fell in love with. Unfortunately, about 4 other people also fell in love with it, and it is now in a bidding war. The price has gone crazy on the house. We were sad, but we figured that house just wasn't meant for us. A few days after all this happened, we went and looked at another house. Ironically, it's on the same street about 3 houses down from our original dream house. It's not as updated, but it is a great house. It definitely needs new paint (since I'm not into pink and blue walls), but it's just a little old lady that lives there and the house has almost everything we want! It took me a while (like 2 weeks or more) to decide if I really liked the house at all. The last few days, I have fallen in love with it. It's kind of strange. I guess I couldn't see the potential this house had right after the other house fell through. Now, I can see--a few gallons of paint, and some updates to the bathrooms, and this house is perfect for us. Plus it's well in our price range. There are other things we'll want to do as time goes along as well, but nothing we cannot live with. We have prayed about this. Looked at a few more houses, fasted, driven by, talked it out--and hoping not to jinx us here--we are hoping to put in an offer this week.

I feel so blessed. We have so many luxuries in our life. Bryant has a great job. We have a great ward with fantastic friends. I finally got my dream car (a mini-van is a dream car when you have kids!), and now we are looking to purchase our first home. We have a healthy beautiful family, we have the gospel in our lives, we have great family (that are coming to visit next week!! Yay!) All in All, life is good. We still have our trials, we've had our fair share the past year or so, but I see so many blessings, and so much growth. Life just Feels Good!

Happy Birthday!

Like I said in my last post, today one of my most FAVORITE people in the world is having a birthday! My Mom is the most influential, selfless, caring, spiritual, loving people I know. It baffles me more and more as the years go by how lucky I was to get such an amazing woman as my Mom. Not only is my Mom a wonderful Mother, but she is a WONDERFUL Grandmother. Not a day goes by that Gracie doesn't ask about Bubby. Whether to talk to her on the phone, to pretend she's going to her house, to ask when she is coming to visit, at some point every day--often several times a day, Gracie asks about Bubby. My Mom will call and leave sweet messages for Gracie and Kate, simply to wish them goodnight. She will find a cute card and randomly send it to them. Gracie has carried her Halloween card around for weeks now! She will write sweet letters and notes and send them in the mail. When we're together, she dances around the living room listening to music. She has tea parties, they cook together, I am telling you--Kathy Carter was BORN to be a Grandma. And I just hope my kids remember how lucky they are to have a grandma like her!

So, to the woman who raised me. Who taught me right from wrong. Who taught BY EXAMPLE. Who forgave my many transgressions against her. Who sacrificed so much for me. Who made clothes for me when I was young. Who read books with me. Who shared her testimony of Jesus Christ with me. Who loved my Dad and showed that love. Who helped me become the person I am today. Who LOVES my kids. To this woman who I can ALWAY count on. Whether to call and vent, to share good news, to pass an idea by, to come watch my kids for a week so Bryant and I can go on a cruise, who is always there when I need her! I Love You Mom! Happy Birthday!

The Holidays Are (almost) Here!

I can't believe it's halfway through November already! Tomorrow one of my favorite people in the whole world will celebrate a birthday! I will surely have a post about her tomorrow! But I don't remember being this excited for the holidays before! Bryant is pretty much opposed to Christmas music before Thanksgiving. But Thanksgiving is NEXT week! Holy Cow! So, I found some cute Thanksgiving crafts and Gracie and I (and Lilly and Aubrey--her little friends) are going to do them this week! I figure it's a good time to explain what Thanksgiving is and the history of it--in a very simplistic 3 year old understandable way of course!
My parents are coming the Tuesday after Thanksgiving. We are all excited, but no one as much as Gracie! She LOVES LOVES LOVES her Bubby and Grandpa. She has their entire trip all planned. First on the list, decorate the Christmas tree! Friday we went on a "date" to find new Christmas ornaments for Bubby and Grandpa. It was so fun! She has also planned a trip to the zoo, making candy ornaments out of rice crispy treats, and making all kinds of goodies in general!

I think I'm so excited for a few reasons. First of all, we're finally done with school. No more anticipating, no more waiting to be done, no more tests, no more stressful semesters, no more scrimping by on the meager student loan money we had to live on. Bryant has a great job, one that he likes and that he is really good at. We have great friends here. And I mean GREAT friends! It has been such a good experience here in Beaumont. We are looking at houses, hoping to find one we love soon, and be in it by the first of the year! Life is just so good! It's taken along time and A LOT of sacrifice to get to this point in our lives, and it feels awesome to finally be here! (Now to pay off all our student loans!)

Mostly I think I'm excited because Gracie is finally able to understand. She really enjoyed Halloween. She loved doing crafts with me, like making spiders by tracing her hand, making ghosts out of her footprint, making and decorating halloween shaped sugar cookies and dressing up like Jessie! She liked Trick or Treating too, but that wasn't even her favorite part.

Right now Gracie is SOOOO excited for Christmas. She keeps talking about decorating the Christmas tree (with Bubby and Grandpa) and all the other fun activities she has planned for us. She does understand Santa a little, and Santa is definitely a fun part of Christmas, but I hope to take the opportunity this year to teach her about the true meaning of Christmas. I want our kids to love the holidays because it's a chance to think of all of our many many blessings and especially to celebrate the birth of the Savior.

So, Let the holidays begin! I'll make sure and take pictures so it's more interesting when I blog about them!

More Gracie-isms

Today in the car Gracie had a baby doll with her. She started doing "Patty Cake Patty Cake" with the doll, which I thought was pretty funny in and of itself. Then all of the sudden in the middle of doing it, she says "Oh YUCK. You're poopy---YUCK! Mom, my baby is poopy. I need a diaper for her." Seriously cracked me up. And I guess I let Kate know that it's YUCK every time I change one of her poopy diapers.

I love my girls!

Gracie-isms (and Kate-isms)

It just blows me away how big my girls are getting. I remember being pregnant with Gracie, and here we are over 3 years later. She is so grown up. She loves playing soccer and loves dance class--and she's really good and both! She LOVES her friends. She is really good at sharing. She has been potty trained for almost a year now. She knows her ABC's and can recognize most of her letters, she can count to 20 and can also recognize most of her numbers. She's definitely a drama queen, but I love her so much. She also picks up on EVERYTHING I say, and often repeats it to Kate or other kids. Here are some of her recent statements:

After going to the Dr. for her (and Kate's) wellness checks, she had to get one small booster shot immunization. I was unaware that she would need a shot so I didn't prepare her well for this. However, she did know what a shot was, and before she got it, I talked to her about it. Well, she got the shot, and you would have thought someone cut her arm off. She cried and cried for a good half and hour afterwards. Just as a side note, Kate got 6--yes SIX shots for her 1 year check up and she cried for about 30 seconds and then was fine. Well, I heard about this shot that Gracie had to have ALL DAY LONG. She kept telling me "I don't like a band-aid."
That night when I put her to bed...
She patted the side of her bed and said "Sit here Mommy, I need a talk a you." So, of course I sat down and she said "I don' like a band-aid. I don't like a shot again okay Mommy." It was really cute. And though it's been about 3 weeks now, I still hear periodically that she doesn't want a band-aid again.

Putting Kate in her car seat on Sunday she was crying. Gracie says "Kate, Get A Grip." Can you tell what this sympathetic Mom says to her 3 year old when she's crying for the 50th time over something ridiculous?!

"Mom, I sick, I need a treat."

"Jesus wants us to be nice" (She uses this a lot when it benefits HER!)

"Pardon Me" (she says this especially after she burps)

"I need a go the store. Kate needs a toy."

I'm sure there's more that I'll add later, but for now, these are some of the phrases she says that crack me up!

Kate basically says 2 things all day long....

Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma....

And
Ah O, Ah O, Ah O, Ah O, Ah O, Ah O, Ah O....

Happy Halloween

This year, Halloween has been really fun. Gracie is old enough to start understanding and we've done some really fun things. We made lots of Halloween crafts. She painted her little pumpkin. We went to the pumpkin patch about 4 times. We also went and bought new Halloween cookie cutters and made sugar cookies and then she (and her little friend) decorated the cookies with candy. They were works of art, let me tell you! I wish I had taken a picture! She got to dress up in her Halloween Costume for Dance Class, and then for 2 different Halloween parties that we had. She got lots of candy at our church trunk or treat and got to play some fun games. We also took her to a little Halloween party they had last night down the street from us where she got some more treats, and got to ride on a little "train" as she called it.
This year we had a cute little Jessie, from Toy Story 2, and a cute little Raggedy Ann. I thought the two costumes fit the girls perfectly. With Gracie's long hair and tom-boyish personality, and Kate's beautiful blue eyes and the fact that she's just a sweetheart (most of the time).

As fun as Halloween was---as as C.U.T.E. as my kids were in their costumes, I'm glad it's finally over. We've done so much that it feels like Halloween has been going on for 2 weeks now! I'm excited for the Thanksgiving and Christmas Holidays to begin. Seeing how into Halloween Gracie got, and how fun it was to make hand spiders, feet ghosts, color pictures, paint pictures, etc. has made me SO SO excited for doing Thanksgiving and Christmas projects for her. I also noticed that Gracie just loved all the activities and dressing up. She didn't really get "trick or treating" until we told her about it and she did it. And it still wasn't her favorite part. She has gotten the concept of Christmas, and she knows who Santa is, but hasn't quite grasped the presents. So, I'm really excited to put the tree up with her, make decorations, make fun Christmas goodies and tell her about the TRUE meaning of Christmas. One thing Bryant and I have talked about it not getting blinded by all the presents and gifts. That is a fun part of Christmas too, but it shouldn't overshadow what Christmas is all about.
I can't wait to post all about out Holidays very soon!

New Perspective

To those who offered their words of sympathy and encouragement to my last post--Thank You! I really appreciate your friendship.

I came across a quote that has helped me put things in perspective a little bit.

“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.” ---Marjorie Pay Hinckley

I LOVED President and Sister Hinckley. I still love them, obviously. And as hard as it has been for me to accept that I am in the Primary once again, whether it was an inspired calling or not--that is where I am needed to serve at this time. I too want the Lord to know that I was really here. And I have a desire to serve the Lord in whatever capacity I am needed. So, I"m going to pull up my boots and stop sulking about it! I will make sure those kids have a lesson every week, and give them the opportunity to gain a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ of their own.
Wish me Luck!

(Kind of) A New Calling...

Well, I don't really know that many people read my blog--which is fine. I mostly have a blog for me. And of course I know a few people that are interested in our lives read it every now and then. So, this blog is mostly for me to just get my feelings out I guess.

First of all, I have to start off my saying, I will NEVER NEVER say No to a calling I am asked to fill at Church unless I have a very good reason to. That being said---I ALWAYS, and I mean A.L.W.A.Y.S. have the same calling. It's in the Primary. Right after I graduated high school, I went to College in California for a year before moving away for college, and I was called...into Primary. I was in that calling until I did move, the following year. Or was it a year and a half. In any event, the only reason I was released was because I was no longer in the ward.

Of course when I was at BYU-Idaho I was in a singles ward where there was no primary. Then I left on a mission, where I couldn't serve in primary. I was home for a year before Bryant and I got married, so again--singles ward=no primary.

Bryant and I may have been married for 3 weeks (maybe only 2 weeks, but it wasn't long) when I got a call from the Bishop. Brand New in our married ward, and brand new married, I was called to be "The Primary President" aka Nursery Leader. Unlike most couples at BYU-Idaho we stayed in our same apartment, so we stayed in the same ward--for 3+ years. And guess who was the "Primary" then ENTIRE 3 years? Yep, that would be me. I didn't get to know anybody in my ward. Even the parents of the kids who I "babysat" every week didn't know my name at the end of the 3 years. I didn't hear announcements about activities, I didn't know about enrichments,I was for all intents and purposes, forgotten about in that ward. I was released right before we moved to Spokane. I was also 9 months pregnant with Gracie.

Then we got to Spokane. Being a Brand New Mom now, and having your husband begin a very demanding Doctorate Program, that neither one of us was prepared for is hard enough. But being Brand New in a ward and having no family or friends around makes it SO much harder. Well, you can guess where I was called--yep, to the Primary. I was called as the Sunbeam teacher to a group of 10+ VERY roudy 3 and 4 year olds. It was a difficult class. And again, I did not really get to meet anyone. Sunday's became a day that I really dreaded. After I had been in the calling 15 months or so I found out I was pregnant with Kate. My pregnancy with Kate was really hard. I was so sick for most of it. There were times I would be in with my large roudy class of 3 and 4 year olds and I would have to run to the bathroom (to throw-up). It was horrible. After enduring another 3-4 months of this calling--sick, I told my Primary President that I just didn't think I could do it anymore. However, it was hard to find anyone willing to take a Primary calling in that ward, so basically I was told to just "suck it up" (in a nice way of course). We moved the end of August--I was in that calling until the week we left. I hope they've released me actually!

In the past 14 months we've been in 4 different wards--which means we've moved 4 times. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old mind you. So I moved with a 2 year old and either pregnant or with a newborn or infant.

I am a stay at home Mom. It's A LOT of hard work. It is a constant 24/7 365 day a year job. You don't get to take Mother's Day off, your birthday, Christmas....you are on call day and night ALL THE TIME. I Love my kids. I would do anything for them. But I can't tell you how much I look forward to Sunday. To have adult conversations. To be uplifted by lessons. To get to know people. It's the only outlet I get.

So, last week you can all guess where I was called to serve right? Yep, again in the Primary. A.G.A.I.N. Don't these Men know that I am home with kids all day everyday? Don't they know that my husband is in their early meetings with them? So, did it cross their mind that besides being with them all day during the week, On Sunday I get to get them up--by myself, Feed them breakfast--by myself, Get both of them and myself ready with hair done and all--by myself, get everything we'll need for church together--by myself, and get to Church with them before 9AM by myself. And then I get to keep them quiet and entertained during Sacrament Meeting (I do get a little help, but Bryant has to count and stuff during Sacrament Meeting too, so some of it is again, by myself), and now I get to go deal with a group of 5-6 year olds that I hear can be a handful also.

I'm afraid I'm going to get to the point where I hate Sunday's again. Not because my testimony is waivering, but because it's exhausting. And I'm already exhausted from my own kids by the end of the week.

I'm really having a hard time being excited for this calling. I've tried to think about the positive. I've tried to remember, I'm not the only woman in the church, or in our ward for that matter, that has to get everyone to church by themselves. I'm not the only one called to Primary that's a stay at home mom. But I just can't seem to find even a glimmer of love...or even like for this calling right now. Is it okay that I want to do something besides be in the Primary at some point in my life. The only times I haven't been in primary is when I was in Young Womens as a Young Woman, when I was in a singles ward that had no primary, or when I was on my mission. And is it okay, that I feel this way? I feel so guilty for feeling this way. But I have just come through literally a year from HELL. Between a horrible pregnancy, to my parents leaving on a mission and then coming home with my Dad on his death bed, to being a nomad and moving 4 times, to having some heath issues that I'm still trying to deal with, I really just don't want to be in Primary right now.
I must have a big sign on my head that lights up especially when I'm new somewhere that says "Call April Howard into Primary." My question is, was this an "inspired calling" or was it simply, they had a calling that needed to be filled and they knew I would be there every week to fill it? I do think for calling like this especially, that's how it goes sometimes. Or was this inspired? I have prayed about this, trying to find some joy in being in Primary yet again, but I feel nothing. I don't know if it's because my feelings of Not wanting to do it so much overpowering my ability to receive any inspiration and comfort?

I don't know. What I do know, is that I will not turn down a calling like I said before. And so, like it or not, I have to do the best I can and hope it turns into something good. I really really hope it turns into something good---and soon! If anybody does read this, please pray for me. I'm really struggling with this!

One Year Ago Today...

Well, it's late--but I couldn't end the day without a short little post about our Sweet Baby Kate. I'll post more later, and include pictures I promise! Kate turned 1 year old today. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. I remember this day a year ago like it was yesterday. My pregnancy with Kate was hard for many many reasons. However, I would go through it all again to have this sweet little girl in our family. Even after a year, she remains the sweetest, most patient, easy to please, happy baby I have ever met. She doesn't give kisses out like Gracie did, but you can't get a better hug from anyone else! She says Mama and Dada and she also says "Love You" which is interesting. I can't imagine my life without her. If I could have all my other babies as easy going and as loving as she is, I'd have 10 kids! We Love You SOOOO much Kate! Happy Birthday! (Again, a better post is forth-coming)

It was also a year ago today that my Dad entered the hospital. Who would have thought that after only giving him a 50% chance of surviving, and spending 9 long weeks in the hospital he would be doing so well. I received this text from him today: "Hope all is well. One year ago I entered the hospital and today I walked our big hill and ran in a 5K on Saturday. The Lord has been so good to me."
He is a walking miracle for sure! We're so glad you're healthy and back to yourself Dad! This has certainly been a year that we will always look back on with amazement as we have seen the hand of God in our lives both with blessing us with the most wonderful little baby girl, and literally seeing a dying man healed!

Look where we're going

This past weekend, we took a rather rushed (and very expensive) trip back to Idaho for Bryant's sisters wedding. We are really so very happy for Celeste and her new husband Rich! We got to know Rich a little bit before we moved to Texas, and he is a gem! We are so happy to have him officially in the family as well as our "new" nephew and niece Matthew (6 years) and Grace (4 years).
Rich and Celeste headed to Hawaii this past week for their honeymoon. As we were driving home from the Houston airport at 2am last Monday morning, Bryant and I were talking about how much we needed to take a trip--just the two of us. We had always talked about going somewhere after he graduated, but between his licensure exam, moving, starting his job right away, and the fact we really had no money for a trip at that time, it did not happen.
So, we decided we were going to look into something for this coming January. Bryant really wanted to go on a "beach" vacation. We still can't afford to go to Hawaii, but Pensacola is only a 7 hour drive from us. HOwever, the beach in January didn't sound that fun. 40 degrees and rainy is not exactly "beach weather."
Anyway, after talking to some friends, we have finally decided on a trip. Here are a few pictures of where we'll be going.

So, in case you can't guess--we're going on a CRUISE! It leaves out of Galveston Texas which is less than 2 hours away from us, and believe it or not, it costs less than $300 a person! It includes your room of course, and all your meals, shows, everything. It's all inclusive! It's going to the Yucatan and Cozumel! They have a tour of some Mayan ruins which we know are Nephite civilizations that we plan to go on when we have our day in Yucatan. (That does cost extra, but totally reasonable and something Bryant is really excited to do!)
My Mom is coming to watch the girls. I love my Mom for so many reasons. She is truly the greatest lady I know. One of the reasons I love her so much is because she is such a great Grandma. She loves my girls so much, and she would do anything for them--and for me. I think what makes her an even more wonderful Grandma, is that she loves my nephews just as much. I think that each of her grandkids would swear that THEY were her absolute favorites! As luck would have it, I found a plane ticket for my Mom from Las Vegas to Houston for $178 round trip! On Southwest, so bags fly free! AWESOME!
We have already booked and paid for the cruise as well, and Bryant and I are counting down the next 3 months already! We love our girls, but we need a little time for just the two of us to be together. A Husband and Wife's relationship is the most important. And after almost 7 years of marriage, we need a second honeymoon!

Life In Texas

I absolutely LOVE this guy! He is seriously the best husband and father I could ever have imagined. He's put up with me, especially lately, with patience and understanding. I appreciate him and all he does for me and our girls.

We've been in Texas now for not quite 3 months. It seems like it's gone by so fast. Bryant is doing great at his new job. He enjoys it most of the time, he has great co-workers, and he feels confident in his abilities as a Physical Therapist. I'm proud of him. I'm so glad he found such a good "first" job as well. Being happy at work is so important. We're also really enjoying the bi-weekly paycheck again. For the past three years we would get one rather small student loan check to live on for 3 1/2 months until the next one came. I'm so so glad we're done with those days!

The BIG news for us--mostly for Bryant--is that he got a new calling at church. We got here in July, in August Elder Holland came to our Stake Conference to release our Stake Presidency, and the Bishop of our ward was called as the new Stake President. So, 2 weeks ago we finally got a new Bishop and a new Bishopric, and Bryant was called as the Ward Clerk. He's been super nervous about this new calling. He does have a lot of responsibilities. He is required to attend all Bishopric meetings, and Priesthood leadership meetings now, as well as oversee the membership records and all the finances in the ward. He has other responsibilities as well, and he's just trying to figure it all out as he goes along. This calling will take him away from home more often than any other calling he's had since we've been married. I will have to get the girls ready and get to church by myself. I will also have to bring them home and get them fed and down for naps on Sunday by myself. With the new Bishopric, they are having kind of a lot of meetings right now trying to figure everything out.

All I can say, is that I feel so grateful to have a husband that is a Worthy Priesthood holder and who is Willing to serve wherever asked. He's felt quite overwhelmed with his new assignments. But he's determined to do a good job and learn what he needs to learn to be successful. I admire his determination!

In other news, the girls are doing great! Gracie is going through her terrible 3's. I must say 3 has been much much worse than 2! But, she's a sweetheart too. She LOVES her little sister. She has a lot of friends here, and she's learning at an amazing rate. She knows her ABC's, she can count to 20, she is learning to tie shoes, she knows a lot of the primary songs. I signed her up for dance classes as well. She's in a "Creative Movements/Acro" class once a week and she loves it. She loves wearing her leotard and her dance shoes, and she'll dance for just about anyone that will watch her! She also loves her friends, riding her bike and swimming!

Kate is almost a year old. I can't believe it! I doesn't seem like it's been that long. I remember the day I had her like it was yesterday. She is the sweetest baby I've ever met. She loves watching Gracie play. She's been walking for about a month now, and she is into everything! She is a HUGE Momma's girl, which I love. She gives me lots of hugs and she is so patient and easy going most of the time. I just love this little baby Kate of mine!

So, Life in Texas has been good to us so far! We're excited for the things that are in our near future--like buying a house! We meet with our realtor October 11 to start the process! I do miss my family. My Mom and Gracie has always had a very special relationship and not a day goes by that Gracie doesn't ask for her Bubby. But, I know we are suppose to be here right now, and I think for the most part, we're all really happy here!

Freedom and Appreciation

Many of you know I have a brother who has been deployed to Iraq for the past 13 months. He left before his youngest boy turned one. He will (hopefully be home) by the time he turns two. He and his family have made a HUGE sacrifice for well over a year now, while he does what he's asked to fight the war on terrorism. I haven't personally talked with Troy at all since his departure. I have however, kept up on how he's doing, and where he's at the best I could. I have heard from my Sister in law and my nephews a bit. This deployment has been hard for them. Bethany (Troy's wife) has had to be a single parent. She's had to not only care for her children, but she's also had to deal with feelings of loneliness, fear, sadness, etc. I always HATE it when Bryant is gone, and he's only ever left for a few days at a time, and it's never been to a place where he would be in harms way. I can only imagine what the past 13 months have been like for Bethany and their boys. I write about this because this is a historic day. It's a day that will always be remembered, reverenced, thought about for years to come. This day 10 years ago, this nation was attacked, and from that tragedy, came a kind of UNITY that was indeed very special.

A few days ago, my sister in law received an email. This person basically said that she always hears people say how grateful they are for the military, specifically the troops deployed overseas. She then asked, WHY she should be grateful to them. She didn't understand how they were protecting her freedom. Her question, Bethany said was sincere, but it was hard to find a response.

Troy responded to this question. I thought he said it so beautifully, and he hit the nail right on the head. This is his response:

"Throughout my deployment to Iraq I pondered the questions “what am I doing here?” and “What is the point?” I wondered if our being in Iraq was really making a safer America. I do not know if what we did really impacted the United States and frankly I am uninterested in having some political debate on the matter.
I have however come to some conclusions. The United States have undoubtedly fought some seemingly pointless wars. One might say that in recent history we fought such a war to the tune of 60,000 American lives. I am of course speaking of Vietnam.
Whether our military is engaged in a seemingly pointless conflict or one with substance and true meaning such as WWII is not the point. It matters not if the 116BCT made a difference in keeping America Safe. The fact is that men and women are willing to put on their uniform that will always stand for freedom and answer the call of their government leaders. We do not sit back and debate the matter nor do we decline to go because we do not feel it is making an impact or it is a pointless engagement.
The men and women of the United States Military answer the call and will always answer the call regardless of a complete understanding on the matter casting their individual feelings aside. This is what we admire and appreciate about the armed forces.
We have the greatest military in the world. While other militaries are weak and influenced by corrupt generals or drug lords we enjoy a military that is bound by the rules and laws set forth by the constitution and enforced by congress. This is why it is so important that we ponder and search out our political leadership. The armed forces answer the call of the government and the government is elected for the people by the people.
So why do we admire the military when they are engaged in a conflict that one may disagree with or find pointless? We admire them not for the conflict they are associated with but for their willingness to stand at a post with a watchful eye as quite often unappreciated guardians of freedom."

So today especially I would like to give the most sincere THANK YOU to ALL the men and women of the armed forces. To all those who have served, who are still serving and who will serve, To those have given their lives, and to those willing to give their lives if necessary, for those who willingly "stand at a post with a watchful eye" and act as "guardians of freedom" so that my children can grow up in a country where we enjoy Freedom----I APPRECIATE YOU! I appreciate the sacrifice you AND your families have made, are making and will make for mine! May we always remember and never forget, Freedom is not free, and keeping freedom is not free either.

One Year, and Stake Conference

Wow, it was a year ago today that we left Spokane and began our adventures of moving from place to place in anticipation of Bryant's final year of grad school to conclude. SO much has happened in the past 12 months, it seems like a million years ago in so many ways.

This past year has been the most trying and stressful of my life that I can remember. I has been filled with wonderful new friends, and life changing events and experiences as well, that's for sure, but to be completely honest, I'm glad this past year is over! Stress and Anxiety have been such a constant in my life this past year, that I'm having a hard time snapping out of it. I feel so uptight and on edge all the time, and to be honest I don't really know why.

However...

We just had a WONDERFUL Stake Conference this weekend. By far the best I have ever attended. Elder Jeffrey R Holland was here--a real treat for the Saints here in the little towns of South East Texas, and not something that happens all that often! We got a new Stake Presidency today, which was a very spiritual event in and of itself, as we got to hear the words of the out-going Stake President who has served for 10 1/2 years in that calling, and who is so obviously loved, admired and respected by the people in this Stake; and the words of the new Stake President who is absolutely the man the Lord has called to fulfill this assignment.

Elder Holland spoke to us about Trials. I felt like he was talking just to me. I do feel I have done the absolute best I could possibly have done dealing with the difficulties, craziness, and down right hard things that have come up this past year. However, I NEEDED to hear what Elder Holland said. I NEEDED to understand the Atonement is something I need to use more in my life. The Atonement is NOT just to be used when you've sinned. It's to be used in all aspects of life--especially our trials! I hope I can put his counsel into action more in my life.

So--as glad as I am that the past 12 months are "past" I am grateful so much for the things I have learned. The growth that has come, and the the strengthening of my faith and testimony. My trials are not over. Like I said, I feel like I'm having a hard time snapping out of my constant state of stress and anxiety. However, I know I'm suppose to learn something from this. And as Elder Holland said in his talk Saturday night:

"Endure, and look forward to Days of Happiness ahead!" These are definitely words for us all to live by!

Happy Birthday Gracie Girl!

Well, our little Gracie finally turned 3! I've been saying that she's 3 for a while, but now it's official! Bryant and I waited for her to join our family for so long, and it seems like the last three years have gone by in a flash in some ways! On the other hand, I almost can't remember life without her.

Gracie has been SO SO SO excited for her birthday, She got really into birthdays about 4 or 5 months ago, and the reality of HER having her own birthday was just so wonderful to her! She's been talking about what she wanted to do for her birthday for over a month now, and the last week or so, she's gotten up in the middle of the night to ask if it was her birthday yet. It was nice for her to plan her own birthday really....All we had to do was what she wanted...which was all very doable, so it worked out great, and she had a fabulous birthday weekend!

On Saturday we left early to go to the Houston Zoo. She's been wanted to go to the zoo since we got here. We had so much fun, especially because one of my very favorite mission companions and her husband and two very cute little boys just moved to the Houston area, and they met us as the zoo! Gracie LOVED having friends with her, and I loved catching up with my old blast from the past! I'm so excited they live so close now!

Anyway, we spent over 4 hours at the zoo. Here are some of the fun pictures Bryant took with his fancy new camera!

Brushing the goat at the petting zoo area. A miracle--she usually freaks out if they get too close to her!



Playing the Drums with Spencer and Josh



Could it be a match made in heaven? I'd totally be okay with that!



My sweet little Kate! She was such a trooper!



The Birthday Girl! Isn't she Cute?!



The Chimps



I just thought this was funny! She didn't get just putting her face in the hole!



Thanks Shauna, Richard, Spencer and Josh for coming to the zoo with us!

After the zoo, we went to our hotel. And we all took showers, because we were literally drenched from the hot humid SouthEast Texas weather! And the girls took a much needed nap!

And THEN...we went to a pre-season football game! Something else Gracie really wanted to do (as long as popcorn was involved at the game) and something Bryant was more than happy to make happen for her! We saw the Texans and the Saints play. It was fun!

A picture of the field!



Gracie and her Daddy



Gracie and her Mommy



We were all EXHAUSTED once the days was over. But it was a dream come true for the Birthday Girl, and it was worth every minute of it!

We drove back early Sunday morning in time for (most of) church. And then we had homemade cupcakes decorated with sprinkles and Cinderella toys, and she got to open her presents.

Ready to Blow out the Candles



Opening Presents with her friend Aubrey



Her new bike! She's been asking for a bike for a while now. She's excited to go ride it tonight! (It's gonna be our FHE activity!)



I think Gracie had a very memorable, fun, wonderful 3rd Birthday!

We sure love you Gracie Girl! I just don't know how we ever lived without you! Happy Birthday!

I Love to See the Temple...

This past Saturday, Bryant and I had the opportunity to go to the Houston Temple and do a session for the first time. It was really nice to go, and it's always fun to visit a new Temple! The High Priest Group in our ward "sponsored" this temple trip. We all met at the Temple and they had people there to watch our kids while we did a session. What a nice service! I really appreciated it, and I'm glad so many families took advantage of the opportunity.

After the session as I was in the Celestial Room waiting for Bryant, I noticed a young man who had just taken out his own endowments. There were TONS of people there in support of him, and he had the biggest smile on his face. It was obvious that he was loved by his ward family. I wondered what this man's story was. He was there without family (he was the only black man in the session), and he was not old, but not 19 either. I wondered if he was perhaps a convert to the church who was ready to leave on a mission himself.
Seeing him made me think of the first time I went through the Temple. It was a little over 9 years ago for me. It was a little overwhelming for sure, but as I've gone back to the Temple over these past 9 years, I've come to have a deep love and appreciation for the covenants and promises made there. It's because of the Temple marriage that Bryant and I have that allows our family to be together for eternity. I went through the Temple in preparation to serving a mission of course. I also had a lot of supporters from my home ward attend with me, as well as my parents of course. Living in Southern California, we were assigned to the San Diego Temple--one of the most beautiful in my opinion. I vividly recall a sweet worker coming and speaking to me and telling me how grateful she was for my desire and willingness to serve the Lord as a missionary. She shared her own conversion story and was so very grateful for the missionaries that brought the gospel to her. She then turned to my Mom and said she was equally grateful for the Mothers that raised these young men and women that would be missionaries all over the world, and who were willing to send them off for 18 months to 2 years. It's a sweet memory for me.

I learned that this young man was not going on a mission, but had joined the church about a year ago and was simply going through the Temple to further his progression in the church. What a fantastic conversion story!

Afterwards, we picked the girls up, and walked around the Temple with them for a few minutes, and Bryant got to try out his new camera! We then headed straight to Minute Maid Park to watch the Astros and Brewers play. It was a really wonderful Saturday!

I Am Not My Body...

**CAUTION**LONG POST AHEAD**
This post is probably going to be quite personal. However, I feel a need to write down how I feel so I can sort it all out-and of course what better place to do this than on a blog (for everyone to see) right?! I alway find things easier to dissect when they're written down. So, here it goes...

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. And when I say my ENTIRE life I truly mean, my ENTIRE life. I first remember going to weight watchers when I was 5 years old. I realize obesity in children these days is very common, but we are talking 25 years ago--when it wasn't so common. I don't recall that my parents filled the house with unhealthy snacks--if there were any snacks at all. My Dad was a graduate student and worked when he could, my mom was a school teacher, and they had three young children. They simply couldn't afford "junk food" back then. So how was a little 5 year old girl in a position to go to weight watchers already?

I spent my youth overweight, always self conscious, and always dreaming of a time when I could go to the store and find a cute outfit that fit perfectly, instead of shopping in the Women's Section. As if adolescence isn't hard enough right? Remember when Phen-Fen was on the market. It was a weight loss drug that was "the big thing" but it was only out for a short time. The FDA found serious side effects with it. When I was 15 I went to a "specialist" who was able to get me approved to take Phen-Fen. It was still fairly experimental and only offered to adults. So, at 15 I started this drug. And of course all in between these years I tried so hard to loose weight. I would find all these "miracle" diets and go on them--faithfully! I remember going on the cabbage soup diet, the fruit only diet (I ate so much pineapple on that my mouth bled for a week!), Atkins, starvation, etc. etc. The Phen-Fen may have helped me drop "a few pounds" but it made me a crazy person. Seriously it had some mental side effects for me. And it didn't matter, I wasn't on it too long before it was no longer available to me.

I was the brunt of many cruel and mean jokes because of my weight. I remember going on a trip for a week to The Isle of Man with several other classmates. I had no friends on the trip, and was often watched and mocked as we ate dinner. Needless to say, I ate very little during that week.

Changing High Schools twice and having two brothers who did not have weight issues--my other brother was alway tall and skinny, and my younger brother was a wrestler and in VERY good shape from all his activities, made me feel even worse about myself. I grew up with very little self esteem--despite my very supportive family.

My Senior year in high school (I HATED high school) was a turning point for me. I topped out at I think 320 pounds. I know many many people thought, and probably still think, and may think even reading this, that I was one of those girls who sat at home eating ice cream and potato chips all day long. That is NOT what I did, but I don't really feel like I have to explain myself at this point. Simply put, gaining weight, losing weight, feeling comfortable in my own skin has always been a trial for me.
So, at age 18 after lots of leg work, and Dr. appointments, and psychiatrists and nutritionists, etc, I was approved to have the gastric bypass surgery. FINALLY, something that might work for me.

I had surgery March 25 1999, during Spring Break of my Senior Year of high school. I wasn't quite 18 yet. Though I was so overweight, I was also very busy. I attended early morning seminary of course, and had school, and I worked probably close to 25 hours a week or more.

I had some complications after the surgery, but nothing too major, though it sure felt like it sometimes! However, a year or so after the surgery I was down a good 100 pounds or so, and I felt awesome! I continued to loose weight, though not as rapidly. Gastric Bypass not only makes your stomach smaller, but changes the way your body burns and uses calories. I feel to this day, this was the only option for me.

I left home and went to college, and I probably gained a few pounds back unfortunately. Weight Loss Surgery is a tool, not a cure all for the rest of your life.

Shortly after that, I left on a mission, where thanks to wanting to sleep more than eat if at all an option, walking or running at least 10 if not 15 miles a day, having to be very cautious about the food I ate, since many things did not agree with me still, along with being VERY careful not to get into the habit of eating the delicious pastries etc. I lost about 50 more pounds in that 18 months. I truly felt comfortable in my own skin for the first time in my life. Well, not completely I guess. I would have loved to loose another 10 or 15 pounds, and then I would have been happy!

I came home, went back to school, a year later I married Bryant, and slowly the weight started to come on again. I was worried out of my mind. Finally, I went to a doctor and then to a nutritionist, after keeping a detailed food journal and wondering how I was gaining weight. She asked me if I was stressed. At the time, I was in a job that I HATED, and I was sick, physically sick all the time because of how stressful it was on me. She said "did you know stress can cause you to gain weight when nothing in your life--diet and exercise--has changed."

Anyway, I continued to work hard to be healthy. Working out, dieting, etc. I was able to maintain at best for a while. And then I got pregnant with Gracie. I was TERRIFIED of gaining weight. I planned to be one of those women who didn't gain anything, and then when the baby was born I'd be like 15 pounds lighter. I thought it was an excellent plan! But of course, that plan would only work in another universe! I gained like 40 pounds with my first pregnancy--despite my efforts to not! I even had my OB put me on the diet for gestational diabetic patients, but I still gained weight.

My next hope was to nurse the weight off. That's suppose to be the case right? WRONG AGAIN. I couldn't move a pound off of my body while I was nursing. Not a dang pound. It was awful! So, when Gracie was about 9 months old, I quite nursing her, and started a fairly intense workout program. I first started with a couch to 5K program and did three or four 5K's that summer. I joined a gym, got a daycare pass for Gracie, and after a few months joined a personal training group. I worked out 6 days a week for 2 hours a day, HARD workouts.

Thought I felt good for getting into shape, and I ate very healthy, and only 1600-1800 calories a day, I lost minimal weight. I would say I was lucky to have actually lost 10 pounds in 4 months--though my body did get smaller. I dropped at least a clothing size, it was minimal results for how incredibly hard I was working.

And then I got pregnant with Kate. Again, I was terrified that I would gain weight like I did with Gracie. I did gain less weight overall I think, but this time, it was post-pardom. I gained weight nursing Kate. I think this is when the stress induced weight gain comes in again. My Dad was extremely ill, we were moving from Oregon to Boise, Bryant was gone a lot during his first internship especially, we had to budget our money to the penny, I had a 2.5 year old and an infant, we were starting to look at job possibilities, another move was in our future, it was a stressful time.

Again, I had a gym membership and a child care pass, and I went faithfully. I joined weight watchers--it didn't work. I tried the HCG diet (where you only eat 500 calories a day and take this liquid under your tongue)--it didn't work. Though I didn't do the entire month of it, I had a raging headache everyday all day the entire time I was on it. It was more than I could bear some days, so I stopped.

Finally I went to the Dr. and asked him to test my thyroid and anything else that could be a culprit in not seeing any result to my efforts. Of course, he found nothing of significance, however, I have fasted and prayed for help in this area of my life. I want to be healthy, and I want to feel comfortable with myself, and I do feel there are some things going on in my body that I cannot control. I just need to find a Dr. to help me figure it all out.

This summer has been a big one for our family. Bryant graduated for school with his Doctorate (no small feat), and we moved to South East Texas for our first post-school job/career to begin. Instead of being completely immersed in the excitement of the accomplishment that we've made as a family, and for our "life to finally begin" in a way, I have spent much of these special events dodging cameras, and knowing I had to be in some pictures, mentally gearing myself up to being in them, trying to feel like I don't look like a total slob, wondering if everyone that sees me sees what I see in the mirror (which, I'm sure is much worse in my mind than in all actuality, though I know it still looks bad), wondering if anyone would want a "fat" person as a friend in our new home in Texas, and in generally thinking that my entire self worth and the love I get from others is completely dependent on my physical appearance.

I realize this is not how I should feel, and in some ways, quite disturbing. However, I have also come to the conclusion that I have some internal things going on in my body that I have no control over. I don't want my kids to go through what I've been through, and have been pretty particular about healthy eating. Though I don't ban treats all together, I don't usually have a stash of candy or chips or cookies on hand either.

There are some things coming up this year--mostly a wedding in October--that I want so badly to not be self conscious at like I am now. However, I have a husband that loves me, and tells me constantly how beautiful I am, and I have two daughters that love me, and don't care how I look (even at 3 in the morning when it's really scary!), and I have parents and siblings who accept and love me no matter what the number on the scale says. I will be finding some Doctors (probably specialists--I'm pretty sure I have a hormone imbalance causing some of these issues, among other things) to work with. I will get a pass to the gym, and I will go faithfully. I will continue to watch what I eat, and I will hope that something works for me. In the meantime, I need to try and remember that....

I Am Not My Body

And hopefully someday (sooner than later) I will feel comfortable in my own skin. In the meantime, be patient with me--this has been a never ending trial for me, and it's really gotten the best of me lately!

FINALLY--A Place To Call Home

Well, we did it! We survived 3 years of grad school! Really, we've been looking forward to this for the past 6 1/2 years since we got married, but the last 3 have been the most intense, challenging, busy years of school by far. We also got all moved out of our Boise apartment (which I was seriously starting to wonder if that was ever going to happen!), AND we made the grueling 29 hour drive to Beaumont Texas!

Like I said, we've been looking forward to this for the past 6 1/2 years, which means we have known that everywhere we've lived has been "temporary" for us. The past 6 1/2 years have taken us from Rexburg, Idaho to Spokane, Washington to Springfield, Oregon to Boise, Idaho and finally to Beaumont, Texas. I'm not gonna lie, it's hard to be the "new kids on the block" all the time. We've made some very special friends in every place that we've lived, having the church really makes life so much easier when you're nomads for a while! Still, knowing that we were not going to be staying in any of these places long term was hard. It was hard to leave good friends that we made, it's hard sometime to be willing to go up to random people and introduce yourself, and hope that they like you and want to be friends. It has been hard for Gracie as well. Last year when we moved to Springfield-she totally snapped. She's done better with this move, but she's still had some challenges with it I think.

We've been in Beaumont for almost 2 weeks now. Bryant is really enjoying his job so far, Gracie is doing really well, and LOVES nursery, I have been warmly welcomed in the ward here and have made some friends already. I think we are going to LOVE Beaumont! We're in an apartment for now, but we are looking at houses and assuming we still love it here in a few months, we are totally buying a house! It's SO SO nice to have Bryant completely done with school! It's an exciting time in our lives!

I think Mostly, it's feels nice to have a place to call HOME! So, if anyone ever wants to come visit, we plan on being here for a while!

A True Friend

Those of you who know me, would say I can get along pretty well with most people I think. I have moved around a lot, and especially the past few years, and I have made some really good friends everywhere we've been the last little while. Besides Bryant, my Mom and my Sister however, I have very very few really close, talk to them everyday, hang out whenever possible kind of friends. Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with everyone I am friends with, I'm talking more on the "best friend" kind of scale. I had one, possibly two friends in Spokane that fit this category, I had some really good ones in Springfield (that was a special place for me!), and I have found one here in Boise as well.
My friend Courtney has been someone I can really count on these past few months. Our kids get along so well together for one thing, but mostly, she is a true, loyal friend to me. I know I can ALWAYS count on her. She has never once flaked out on me, or even told me "no" that I can remember. Despite the fact that she has a 4 year old and a 9 month old herself, she has watched BOTH of my girls A LOT the past few weeks while I try and get packed. It's quite a chore to pack and move in the first place, it's next to impossible to do it with two little kids underfoot. And unfortunately Bryant has been gone studying for his ever so important Licensure exam, so the task of moving has been placed mostly on my shoulders once again.
I have really really really appreciated being able to drop my kids off at the spur of the moment, and then after a long, hot day of packing and going to pick up the girls, being able to take a nice cool swim in their pool! Tonight, despite not feeling well today, I even got dinner.
We have been lucky to be by our long time best friends Ryan and Carissa while here in Boise as well, and they have also helped a lot.
I hope I'm the kind of friend to others as Courtney (and Ryan and Carissa) have been to me. I'm going to miss you terribly once we move next week!

Graduation Announcement

The time has come for GRADUATION! YEAH--Finally! Many of you may be getting an announcement in the mail, but for those who didn't, Please know you are invited! We know most people will not be able to make a trip to Spokane for the actual graduation, so we are having an Open House of sorts in Bryant's honor in Boise/Kuna on June 18. This is a HUGE accomplishment, and one that has come with A LOT of sacrifice. I'm so proud of Bryant. This has been a very intense and busy program and he's juggled his school demands with his responsibilities as a husband and father wonderfully. If you're able to come and give him a much deserved congratulations, please stop by! We will be providing lunch, so I will just need to know an approximate number so we have enough food! Hope to see many of you soon!

Life As We Know It....CRAZY!

The past 6 weeks since my last post has been crazy. Crazier than normal--though crazy seems to be the normal for us these days. Soon, things will slow down, I hope. I'm starting to get really tired!

Anyway, Bryant has had LOTS of job opportunities to pursue, and at the end of April, we headed down to Beaumont Texas to check one of them out. My Mom, bless her heart, came to Boise to watch our girls while Bryant and I went on this little trip. I don't know what in the world I would do without my Mom right now. She is so willing to help us out, and she loves my girls so much. She made it possible for Bry and I to take this trip. Otherwise, I don't know what we would have done. The company paid for our trip down there. But it would have been a nightmare if we had to take the girls with us. Thanks Mom for always being someone I can count on!
Without boring you will all the details of the trip, I will simply say, we LOVED Texas! We loved that it's a small town, but close to a big city-(Houston). We loved the clinic that was hiring. The other PT's were great, very friendly. It's a very Christian oriented place, and we felt very excited about the prospect. Plus, they did have a really good offer for us-especially for being right out of school.
We talked about it, we prayed about it, we talked about other jobs that were interested in Bryant, we prayed some more. The next day before we headed back into Houston to catch our plane, we made the big decision...Beaumont Texas would be our new home. We dropped off our acceptance of the job, to which the other PT's were so excited! We felt good about our decision, and I'm glad to say we STILL feel good about it.

So, it's time to once again get out the moving boxes and pack up. Story of my life this past year. I'm ready to be settled for a while. We hope to love Beaumont and are planning on finally buying a house down there.

Bryant takes his big licensure exam June 28 and then we are heading down south. We can't wait for the new adventures that await us down there, the fun places we will get to visit, the paycheck that we will finally get again, and making new friends and finding opportunities to serve them down there!

A Tribute to the '20's

Today is my birthday. I say this, NOT to have a big deal made about it, I say it more as a "I have come to terms with the fact that it is in fact my birthday" kind of attitude! Today, I turn the BIG 3-0. I don't quite know how this happened! I mean where in the world did the time go? I remember (and it doesn't seem like that long ago) that someone "in their 30's" was really getting up there!
I will admit, I've kind of been dreading today for a few months now. However, I was talking to my sister a few weeks ago and telling her how kind of sad I was that I was going to be 30 years old. And she said "April, you OWN your 30 years! You've accomplished so much. You have served a mission, gotten married, graduated from college, help your husband almost finish his Doctorate degree, and you have 2 beautiful kids. How on earth can you be sad about being 30?" At first, I thought--yeah, easy for you to say Kristin! You're only 22. You have 8 years left in your 20's! But then after a while, I thought, you know she's right! If I want to stay 25 or even 29 forever, I won't accomplish anything else in my life. And I am proud of what I have done in the last 10 years!

And so, I have decided to have a little "Tribute to my 20's" post..mostly for me, but I hope you all enjoy as well!

Here is goes:

20 years old: I left home for the first time after completing 2 years of college in California and went to Rexburg to attend BYU-Idaho. It was that first semester that I actually met Bryant! (Though there was nothing romantic there until after our missions, we became pretty good friends!)

21 years old: I left on a full time 18 month mission to Belgium, France and the Netherlands! It was a scary yet very exciting time in my life, and to this day, one of the best, most life changing choices I have ever made!

22 years old: Still on my mission for most of my 22 year, I learned French fluently (mostly because I lived with native french speaking sisters for quite a while who were very patient with me and help me perfect the language!), I met some of my best friends during this time (my missionary sister soul mates, I got to be companions with some of the best girls in the world, and I still love them all to pieces!, My testimony of my Savior grew more than anytime before and possibly since during this time as I learned to rely 100% on him for guidance and peace. I got to live in 2 of the most beautiful countries in the world (Belgium and France--and I realize I may be a little biased!) Yes, 22 was a good year!

*As a side note, I will also add that Bryant was also on his mission at the same time as I was and we wrote back and forth to each other (just as friends) the entire time. I would say through our letters and shared experiences, we became very very good, almost best friends during this time as well!

23 years old: I started school again at BYU-Idaho, but most importantly, Bryant and I got married! At this point, we truly were best friends! BEST DECISION I'VE EVER MADE! I hope he feels the same!

24 years old: I graduated from BYU-Idaho with a Bachelor's Degree in Business Management/Finance!

25 years old: Nothing extraordinary happened this year except I worked full time to get Bryant through school so he didn't have to work. We knew graduate school was in our future and I wanted to do everything I could to help Bryant do as well as he could in his undergrad so he would have his choice of grad schools! And he did! This meant working at Melaleuca, which I HATED, but it paid decently enough and I learned A LOT about what I do and do not want to do! I also appreciated the job I got working for the City of Rexburg after that a lot more!

26 years old: I continued working full time and being Bryant's "sugar mama" as it's called! Bryant graduated from BYU-Idaho himself with a very high GPA (which I will let myself take some credit for since I tried very hard to make sure he didn't have to support us during this time!) We also went through a period of infertility, which was difficult, but in the end, made us stronger as a couple and made me more compassionate towards others. And, I did in fact find out when I was 26 that I was pregnant and motherhood was soon going to be upon me!

27 years old: I (finally) became a Mother! My little Gracie girl was born, and she is still such a joy in my life! Bryant also started his Physical Therapy program and we moved from little Rexburg to Spokane!

28 years old: I survived my first year of motherhood/single-parenthood (since poor Bryant was so so so busy with school all the time), that being said, I also survived our first year of grad school! Oh, and I was still 28 when I found out baby #2 was on her way!

29 years old: Honestly, this was a difficult year in many ways. I was so very sick with my pregnancy. My sister left on a mission to Virginia, my parents received a mission call to Mongolia, we had to move to Oregon and then to Boise all within a few months of each other, my sister got very ill and had to come home from her mission, and my Dad also got life threateningly ill and they also had to return home from their mission where he spent 9 weeks in the hospital. Not fun!
However, I learned how to look for the positive in everything. I made a journal or letters for my parents that I was going to give them when they got home from their mission (little did I know they'd be home so soon!) and I wanted to stay really positive in them. So, I was constantly finding the good in something every week so I would have a good uplifting entry to put in this book I made them! I learned A LOT from this!
Most importantly, my sweet beautiful Baby Kate was born, and she has proven to be such a blessing! I LOVE LOVE LOVE how much my two girls love each other! It's a privilege to be their Mother!

Bryant and I had a good time traveling and hitting up lots of baseball games during this time as well! We went to Seattle, Denver, Phoenix, San Francisco, (of course So. Cali where my parents lived several times), to hit new baseball stadiums! We enjoyed our time together before the kiddos came along. But we're enjoying our time together with 4 of us instead of just 2 even more!

And so, I can see, the 20's were good to me! I accomplished a lot, I learned a lot, I worked hard, I played even harder, and life is just darn good! I'm looking forward to what the 30's have in store for me!