To those who offered their words of sympathy and encouragement to my last post--Thank You! I really appreciate your friendship.
I came across a quote that has helped me put things in perspective a little bit.
“I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived.” ---Marjorie Pay Hinckley
I LOVED President and Sister Hinckley. I still love them, obviously. And as hard as it has been for me to accept that I am in the Primary once again, whether it was an inspired calling or not--that is where I am needed to serve at this time. I too want the Lord to know that I was really here. And I have a desire to serve the Lord in whatever capacity I am needed. So, I"m going to pull up my boots and stop sulking about it! I will make sure those kids have a lesson every week, and give them the opportunity to gain a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ of their own.
Wish me Luck!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
(Kind of) A New Calling...
Well, I don't really know that many people read my blog--which is fine. I mostly have a blog for me. And of course I know a few people that are interested in our lives read it every now and then. So, this blog is mostly for me to just get my feelings out I guess.
First of all, I have to start off my saying, I will NEVER NEVER say No to a calling I am asked to fill at Church unless I have a very good reason to. That being said---I ALWAYS, and I mean A.L.W.A.Y.S. have the same calling. It's in the Primary. Right after I graduated high school, I went to College in California for a year before moving away for college, and I was called...into Primary. I was in that calling until I did move, the following year. Or was it a year and a half. In any event, the only reason I was released was because I was no longer in the ward.
Of course when I was at BYU-Idaho I was in a singles ward where there was no primary. Then I left on a mission, where I couldn't serve in primary. I was home for a year before Bryant and I got married, so again--singles ward=no primary.
Bryant and I may have been married for 3 weeks (maybe only 2 weeks, but it wasn't long) when I got a call from the Bishop. Brand New in our married ward, and brand new married, I was called to be "The Primary President" aka Nursery Leader. Unlike most couples at BYU-Idaho we stayed in our same apartment, so we stayed in the same ward--for 3+ years. And guess who was the "Primary" then ENTIRE 3 years? Yep, that would be me. I didn't get to know anybody in my ward. Even the parents of the kids who I "babysat" every week didn't know my name at the end of the 3 years. I didn't hear announcements about activities, I didn't know about enrichments,I was for all intents and purposes, forgotten about in that ward. I was released right before we moved to Spokane. I was also 9 months pregnant with Gracie.
Then we got to Spokane. Being a Brand New Mom now, and having your husband begin a very demanding Doctorate Program, that neither one of us was prepared for is hard enough. But being Brand New in a ward and having no family or friends around makes it SO much harder. Well, you can guess where I was called--yep, to the Primary. I was called as the Sunbeam teacher to a group of 10+ VERY roudy 3 and 4 year olds. It was a difficult class. And again, I did not really get to meet anyone. Sunday's became a day that I really dreaded. After I had been in the calling 15 months or so I found out I was pregnant with Kate. My pregnancy with Kate was really hard. I was so sick for most of it. There were times I would be in with my large roudy class of 3 and 4 year olds and I would have to run to the bathroom (to throw-up). It was horrible. After enduring another 3-4 months of this calling--sick, I told my Primary President that I just didn't think I could do it anymore. However, it was hard to find anyone willing to take a Primary calling in that ward, so basically I was told to just "suck it up" (in a nice way of course). We moved the end of August--I was in that calling until the week we left. I hope they've released me actually!
In the past 14 months we've been in 4 different wards--which means we've moved 4 times. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old mind you. So I moved with a 2 year old and either pregnant or with a newborn or infant.
I am a stay at home Mom. It's A LOT of hard work. It is a constant 24/7 365 day a year job. You don't get to take Mother's Day off, your birthday, Christmas....you are on call day and night ALL THE TIME. I Love my kids. I would do anything for them. But I can't tell you how much I look forward to Sunday. To have adult conversations. To be uplifted by lessons. To get to know people. It's the only outlet I get.
So, last week you can all guess where I was called to serve right? Yep, again in the Primary. A.G.A.I.N. Don't these Men know that I am home with kids all day everyday? Don't they know that my husband is in their early meetings with them? So, did it cross their mind that besides being with them all day during the week, On Sunday I get to get them up--by myself, Feed them breakfast--by myself, Get both of them and myself ready with hair done and all--by myself, get everything we'll need for church together--by myself, and get to Church with them before 9AM by myself. And then I get to keep them quiet and entertained during Sacrament Meeting (I do get a little help, but Bryant has to count and stuff during Sacrament Meeting too, so some of it is again, by myself), and now I get to go deal with a group of 5-6 year olds that I hear can be a handful also.
I'm afraid I'm going to get to the point where I hate Sunday's again. Not because my testimony is waivering, but because it's exhausting. And I'm already exhausted from my own kids by the end of the week.
I'm really having a hard time being excited for this calling. I've tried to think about the positive. I've tried to remember, I'm not the only woman in the church, or in our ward for that matter, that has to get everyone to church by themselves. I'm not the only one called to Primary that's a stay at home mom. But I just can't seem to find even a glimmer of love...or even like for this calling right now. Is it okay that I want to do something besides be in the Primary at some point in my life. The only times I haven't been in primary is when I was in Young Womens as a Young Woman, when I was in a singles ward that had no primary, or when I was on my mission. And is it okay, that I feel this way? I feel so guilty for feeling this way. But I have just come through literally a year from HELL. Between a horrible pregnancy, to my parents leaving on a mission and then coming home with my Dad on his death bed, to being a nomad and moving 4 times, to having some heath issues that I'm still trying to deal with, I really just don't want to be in Primary right now.
I must have a big sign on my head that lights up especially when I'm new somewhere that says "Call April Howard into Primary." My question is, was this an "inspired calling" or was it simply, they had a calling that needed to be filled and they knew I would be there every week to fill it? I do think for calling like this especially, that's how it goes sometimes. Or was this inspired? I have prayed about this, trying to find some joy in being in Primary yet again, but I feel nothing. I don't know if it's because my feelings of Not wanting to do it so much overpowering my ability to receive any inspiration and comfort?
I don't know. What I do know, is that I will not turn down a calling like I said before. And so, like it or not, I have to do the best I can and hope it turns into something good. I really really hope it turns into something good---and soon! If anybody does read this, please pray for me. I'm really struggling with this!
First of all, I have to start off my saying, I will NEVER NEVER say No to a calling I am asked to fill at Church unless I have a very good reason to. That being said---I ALWAYS, and I mean A.L.W.A.Y.S. have the same calling. It's in the Primary. Right after I graduated high school, I went to College in California for a year before moving away for college, and I was called...into Primary. I was in that calling until I did move, the following year. Or was it a year and a half. In any event, the only reason I was released was because I was no longer in the ward.
Of course when I was at BYU-Idaho I was in a singles ward where there was no primary. Then I left on a mission, where I couldn't serve in primary. I was home for a year before Bryant and I got married, so again--singles ward=no primary.
Bryant and I may have been married for 3 weeks (maybe only 2 weeks, but it wasn't long) when I got a call from the Bishop. Brand New in our married ward, and brand new married, I was called to be "The Primary President" aka Nursery Leader. Unlike most couples at BYU-Idaho we stayed in our same apartment, so we stayed in the same ward--for 3+ years. And guess who was the "Primary" then ENTIRE 3 years? Yep, that would be me. I didn't get to know anybody in my ward. Even the parents of the kids who I "babysat" every week didn't know my name at the end of the 3 years. I didn't hear announcements about activities, I didn't know about enrichments,I was for all intents and purposes, forgotten about in that ward. I was released right before we moved to Spokane. I was also 9 months pregnant with Gracie.
Then we got to Spokane. Being a Brand New Mom now, and having your husband begin a very demanding Doctorate Program, that neither one of us was prepared for is hard enough. But being Brand New in a ward and having no family or friends around makes it SO much harder. Well, you can guess where I was called--yep, to the Primary. I was called as the Sunbeam teacher to a group of 10+ VERY roudy 3 and 4 year olds. It was a difficult class. And again, I did not really get to meet anyone. Sunday's became a day that I really dreaded. After I had been in the calling 15 months or so I found out I was pregnant with Kate. My pregnancy with Kate was really hard. I was so sick for most of it. There were times I would be in with my large roudy class of 3 and 4 year olds and I would have to run to the bathroom (to throw-up). It was horrible. After enduring another 3-4 months of this calling--sick, I told my Primary President that I just didn't think I could do it anymore. However, it was hard to find anyone willing to take a Primary calling in that ward, so basically I was told to just "suck it up" (in a nice way of course). We moved the end of August--I was in that calling until the week we left. I hope they've released me actually!
In the past 14 months we've been in 4 different wards--which means we've moved 4 times. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old mind you. So I moved with a 2 year old and either pregnant or with a newborn or infant.
I am a stay at home Mom. It's A LOT of hard work. It is a constant 24/7 365 day a year job. You don't get to take Mother's Day off, your birthday, Christmas....you are on call day and night ALL THE TIME. I Love my kids. I would do anything for them. But I can't tell you how much I look forward to Sunday. To have adult conversations. To be uplifted by lessons. To get to know people. It's the only outlet I get.
So, last week you can all guess where I was called to serve right? Yep, again in the Primary. A.G.A.I.N. Don't these Men know that I am home with kids all day everyday? Don't they know that my husband is in their early meetings with them? So, did it cross their mind that besides being with them all day during the week, On Sunday I get to get them up--by myself, Feed them breakfast--by myself, Get both of them and myself ready with hair done and all--by myself, get everything we'll need for church together--by myself, and get to Church with them before 9AM by myself. And then I get to keep them quiet and entertained during Sacrament Meeting (I do get a little help, but Bryant has to count and stuff during Sacrament Meeting too, so some of it is again, by myself), and now I get to go deal with a group of 5-6 year olds that I hear can be a handful also.
I'm afraid I'm going to get to the point where I hate Sunday's again. Not because my testimony is waivering, but because it's exhausting. And I'm already exhausted from my own kids by the end of the week.
I'm really having a hard time being excited for this calling. I've tried to think about the positive. I've tried to remember, I'm not the only woman in the church, or in our ward for that matter, that has to get everyone to church by themselves. I'm not the only one called to Primary that's a stay at home mom. But I just can't seem to find even a glimmer of love...or even like for this calling right now. Is it okay that I want to do something besides be in the Primary at some point in my life. The only times I haven't been in primary is when I was in Young Womens as a Young Woman, when I was in a singles ward that had no primary, or when I was on my mission. And is it okay, that I feel this way? I feel so guilty for feeling this way. But I have just come through literally a year from HELL. Between a horrible pregnancy, to my parents leaving on a mission and then coming home with my Dad on his death bed, to being a nomad and moving 4 times, to having some heath issues that I'm still trying to deal with, I really just don't want to be in Primary right now.
I must have a big sign on my head that lights up especially when I'm new somewhere that says "Call April Howard into Primary." My question is, was this an "inspired calling" or was it simply, they had a calling that needed to be filled and they knew I would be there every week to fill it? I do think for calling like this especially, that's how it goes sometimes. Or was this inspired? I have prayed about this, trying to find some joy in being in Primary yet again, but I feel nothing. I don't know if it's because my feelings of Not wanting to do it so much overpowering my ability to receive any inspiration and comfort?
I don't know. What I do know, is that I will not turn down a calling like I said before. And so, like it or not, I have to do the best I can and hope it turns into something good. I really really hope it turns into something good---and soon! If anybody does read this, please pray for me. I'm really struggling with this!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
One Year Ago Today...
Well, it's late--but I couldn't end the day without a short little post about our Sweet Baby Kate. I'll post more later, and include pictures I promise! Kate turned 1 year old today. I can't believe how fast it has gone by. I remember this day a year ago like it was yesterday. My pregnancy with Kate was hard for many many reasons. However, I would go through it all again to have this sweet little girl in our family. Even after a year, she remains the sweetest, most patient, easy to please, happy baby I have ever met. She doesn't give kisses out like Gracie did, but you can't get a better hug from anyone else! She says Mama and Dada and she also says "Love You" which is interesting. I can't imagine my life without her. If I could have all my other babies as easy going and as loving as she is, I'd have 10 kids! We Love You SOOOO much Kate! Happy Birthday! (Again, a better post is forth-coming)
It was also a year ago today that my Dad entered the hospital. Who would have thought that after only giving him a 50% chance of surviving, and spending 9 long weeks in the hospital he would be doing so well. I received this text from him today: "Hope all is well. One year ago I entered the hospital and today I walked our big hill and ran in a 5K on Saturday. The Lord has been so good to me."
He is a walking miracle for sure! We're so glad you're healthy and back to yourself Dad! This has certainly been a year that we will always look back on with amazement as we have seen the hand of God in our lives both with blessing us with the most wonderful little baby girl, and literally seeing a dying man healed!
It was also a year ago today that my Dad entered the hospital. Who would have thought that after only giving him a 50% chance of surviving, and spending 9 long weeks in the hospital he would be doing so well. I received this text from him today: "Hope all is well. One year ago I entered the hospital and today I walked our big hill and ran in a 5K on Saturday. The Lord has been so good to me."
He is a walking miracle for sure! We're so glad you're healthy and back to yourself Dad! This has certainly been a year that we will always look back on with amazement as we have seen the hand of God in our lives both with blessing us with the most wonderful little baby girl, and literally seeing a dying man healed!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Look where we're going
This past weekend, we took a rather rushed (and very expensive) trip back to Idaho for Bryant's sisters wedding. We are really so very happy for Celeste and her new husband Rich! We got to know Rich a little bit before we moved to Texas, and he is a gem! We are so happy to have him officially in the family as well as our "new" nephew and niece Matthew (6 years) and Grace (4 years).
Rich and Celeste headed to Hawaii this past week for their honeymoon. As we were driving home from the Houston airport at 2am last Monday morning, Bryant and I were talking about how much we needed to take a trip--just the two of us. We had always talked about going somewhere after he graduated, but between his licensure exam, moving, starting his job right away, and the fact we really had no money for a trip at that time, it did not happen.
So, we decided we were going to look into something for this coming January. Bryant really wanted to go on a "beach" vacation. We still can't afford to go to Hawaii, but Pensacola is only a 7 hour drive from us. HOwever, the beach in January didn't sound that fun. 40 degrees and rainy is not exactly "beach weather."
Anyway, after talking to some friends, we have finally decided on a trip. Here are a few pictures of where we'll be going.
So, in case you can't guess--we're going on a CRUISE! It leaves out of Galveston Texas which is less than 2 hours away from us, and believe it or not, it costs less than $300 a person! It includes your room of course, and all your meals, shows, everything. It's all inclusive! It's going to the Yucatan and Cozumel! They have a tour of some Mayan ruins which we know are Nephite civilizations that we plan to go on when we have our day in Yucatan. (That does cost extra, but totally reasonable and something Bryant is really excited to do!)
My Mom is coming to watch the girls. I love my Mom for so many reasons. She is truly the greatest lady I know. One of the reasons I love her so much is because she is such a great Grandma. She loves my girls so much, and she would do anything for them--and for me. I think what makes her an even more wonderful Grandma, is that she loves my nephews just as much. I think that each of her grandkids would swear that THEY were her absolute favorites! As luck would have it, I found a plane ticket for my Mom from Las Vegas to Houston for $178 round trip! On Southwest, so bags fly free! AWESOME!
We have already booked and paid for the cruise as well, and Bryant and I are counting down the next 3 months already! We love our girls, but we need a little time for just the two of us to be together. A Husband and Wife's relationship is the most important. And after almost 7 years of marriage, we need a second honeymoon!
Rich and Celeste headed to Hawaii this past week for their honeymoon. As we were driving home from the Houston airport at 2am last Monday morning, Bryant and I were talking about how much we needed to take a trip--just the two of us. We had always talked about going somewhere after he graduated, but between his licensure exam, moving, starting his job right away, and the fact we really had no money for a trip at that time, it did not happen.
So, we decided we were going to look into something for this coming January. Bryant really wanted to go on a "beach" vacation. We still can't afford to go to Hawaii, but Pensacola is only a 7 hour drive from us. HOwever, the beach in January didn't sound that fun. 40 degrees and rainy is not exactly "beach weather."
Anyway, after talking to some friends, we have finally decided on a trip. Here are a few pictures of where we'll be going.
So, in case you can't guess--we're going on a CRUISE! It leaves out of Galveston Texas which is less than 2 hours away from us, and believe it or not, it costs less than $300 a person! It includes your room of course, and all your meals, shows, everything. It's all inclusive! It's going to the Yucatan and Cozumel! They have a tour of some Mayan ruins which we know are Nephite civilizations that we plan to go on when we have our day in Yucatan. (That does cost extra, but totally reasonable and something Bryant is really excited to do!)
My Mom is coming to watch the girls. I love my Mom for so many reasons. She is truly the greatest lady I know. One of the reasons I love her so much is because she is such a great Grandma. She loves my girls so much, and she would do anything for them--and for me. I think what makes her an even more wonderful Grandma, is that she loves my nephews just as much. I think that each of her grandkids would swear that THEY were her absolute favorites! As luck would have it, I found a plane ticket for my Mom from Las Vegas to Houston for $178 round trip! On Southwest, so bags fly free! AWESOME!
We have already booked and paid for the cruise as well, and Bryant and I are counting down the next 3 months already! We love our girls, but we need a little time for just the two of us to be together. A Husband and Wife's relationship is the most important. And after almost 7 years of marriage, we need a second honeymoon!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Life In Texas
I absolutely LOVE this guy! He is seriously the best husband and father I could ever have imagined. He's put up with me, especially lately, with patience and understanding. I appreciate him and all he does for me and our girls.
We've been in Texas now for not quite 3 months. It seems like it's gone by so fast. Bryant is doing great at his new job. He enjoys it most of the time, he has great co-workers, and he feels confident in his abilities as a Physical Therapist. I'm proud of him. I'm so glad he found such a good "first" job as well. Being happy at work is so important. We're also really enjoying the bi-weekly paycheck again. For the past three years we would get one rather small student loan check to live on for 3 1/2 months until the next one came. I'm so so glad we're done with those days!
The BIG news for us--mostly for Bryant--is that he got a new calling at church. We got here in July, in August Elder Holland came to our Stake Conference to release our Stake Presidency, and the Bishop of our ward was called as the new Stake President. So, 2 weeks ago we finally got a new Bishop and a new Bishopric, and Bryant was called as the Ward Clerk. He's been super nervous about this new calling. He does have a lot of responsibilities. He is required to attend all Bishopric meetings, and Priesthood leadership meetings now, as well as oversee the membership records and all the finances in the ward. He has other responsibilities as well, and he's just trying to figure it all out as he goes along. This calling will take him away from home more often than any other calling he's had since we've been married. I will have to get the girls ready and get to church by myself. I will also have to bring them home and get them fed and down for naps on Sunday by myself. With the new Bishopric, they are having kind of a lot of meetings right now trying to figure everything out.
All I can say, is that I feel so grateful to have a husband that is a Worthy Priesthood holder and who is Willing to serve wherever asked. He's felt quite overwhelmed with his new assignments. But he's determined to do a good job and learn what he needs to learn to be successful. I admire his determination!
In other news, the girls are doing great! Gracie is going through her terrible 3's. I must say 3 has been much much worse than 2! But, she's a sweetheart too. She LOVES her little sister. She has a lot of friends here, and she's learning at an amazing rate. She knows her ABC's, she can count to 20, she is learning to tie shoes, she knows a lot of the primary songs. I signed her up for dance classes as well. She's in a "Creative Movements/Acro" class once a week and she loves it. She loves wearing her leotard and her dance shoes, and she'll dance for just about anyone that will watch her! She also loves her friends, riding her bike and swimming!
Kate is almost a year old. I can't believe it! I doesn't seem like it's been that long. I remember the day I had her like it was yesterday. She is the sweetest baby I've ever met. She loves watching Gracie play. She's been walking for about a month now, and she is into everything! She is a HUGE Momma's girl, which I love. She gives me lots of hugs and she is so patient and easy going most of the time. I just love this little baby Kate of mine!
So, Life in Texas has been good to us so far! We're excited for the things that are in our near future--like buying a house! We meet with our realtor October 11 to start the process! I do miss my family. My Mom and Gracie has always had a very special relationship and not a day goes by that Gracie doesn't ask for her Bubby. But, I know we are suppose to be here right now, and I think for the most part, we're all really happy here!
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